Are you speaking my language? Love language that is...
There are 5 different love languages... What's yours?
Single or in a relationship - Take the quiz below
Fulfilling, long lasting relationships - like anything worthwhile take daily commitment to putting in the work, lots of open communication & of course understanding one another's love language.
When you feel like you and your partner aren't aligned anymore, keeping the spark alive can feel almost impossible & somewhat confusing. It can almost feel like a daily battle you wish would just end & go back to when things were "good", especially when you feel although the love is slowly evaporating beyond your control. - Heartbreaking & soul killing... I know this feeling all too well.
Sometimes you may feel although you know that your partner loves you & you love them, however for some reason you both continually feel although don't "get each other" or you constantly aren't meeting each others needs. Have you ever felt like your relationship has just turned into an uphill battle? Or it's lost all passion & deep connection. Understanding your love languages could help. Depending on the situation of course.
If I am being completely real & raw with you right now, I must say in all my previous long term relationships & the guys I dated in between (10yrs, 3yrs, 4yrs) before understanding both my love language & my partners love language, I thought maybe I just wasn't cut out for relationships. I would convince myself that maybe I simply wasn't good at relationships & just excelled in other areas of my life. I am not even joking when I say I got to the point where I felt comfortable with just being "Aunty T" rather than ever being "Mum" for the rest of my life.
Having regular thoughts along the lines of - Does anyone truly, really have a happy relationship behind closed doors? Or are they just settling & going through the motions in a basic relationship? Did I just have high standards? Did I just crave a deep love that wasn't realistic? Do I just give up too easily? Maybe I just pick the wrong guys? Why did the relationships always turn so sour & soul draining? Why did I feel so unloved after the honeymoon period?
I would then receive so many mixed messages online when reading quotes & advice. One thing would say "Things last when you work on them" others will say things like "If someone doesn't appreciate your presence, make them appreciate your absence"... My brain could almost explode from the confusion. Side note on the above - Depending on your situation each quote can of course be relevant however when you feel although your relationship is not toxic, it just needs a bit of TLC then learning about love languages can be beneficial. I am 100% supportive of leaving a toxic relationship.
Heartfelt connection, feeling heard & understood, a deep love & a flourishing long lasting relationship is the goal right?
They say the you can't truly love someone until you love yourself first. Part of loving yourself is also truly understanding who you are to your core. Once you know & learn what your love language is you will have a better understanding on how you like to receive love which of course coincides with how you project your love. You will be able to teach others how to love you in a way that will truly touch your heart.
5 Love Languages In A Nut Shell -
Words Of Affirmation -
Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
Acts Of Service -
Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
Receiving Gifts -
Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
Quality Time -
Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
Physical Touch -
It can be sex or holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
There are many ways you can learn about which one you are, the most simplest way would be to take the quiz
Here is an example of what the results may look like. They work them out in a percentage based on the answers you provide. Remember to be 100% honest, maybe even complete it alone if you want to get the best results.
So these were my results which were pretty spot on. I have always been a "less talk more action" type of gal. So "acts of service" being my highest result accurate. Quality time is also incredibly important to me, luckily for me it is also important to my partner.
So my partners main love language is actually "words of affirmation" so could you imagine the learnings I needed to experience in the beginning.. haha. I remember saying a couple of times "I am an actions girl" then it clicked to me that words were important to him, I got him do the test & I was right. Now we know how to communicate better in this area & I no longer keep telling him "I am an actions girl" when he wants to hear me speak words of appreciation or encouragement.
Just because you & your partner may get different results doesn't mean that you aren't a good couple or you aren't right for each other. It just means you have different ways that you like to communicate love to one another. Get ready to learn & unlearn.
I hope you found this post interesting, if you would like to delve into knowing a bit more you can read the book or listen to the audiobook (on Audible)
5 Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman